If I gave one I must have given at least 1000 stink eye looks today. You see I have this look. I've had it since childhood. My mother called it "the Look" and said it struck fear in the hearts of anyone around when I gave it. Actually, she wrote that it made grown men squirm. Today I gave "the look" with all my might as I walked my road. I could feel the resentment welling up with each step as car after truck after car whizzed by me. Every motorist that flew by got "the Look" in all its glory. Lip curled in a sneer, eyes glaring with fury- like lasers piercing directly into the souls of all that passed. Well that's dramatic! Truth is, most were not squirming, they were speeding by so fast they probably didn't even see "the look".
Now, I tried to have a positive attitude about the whole thing, I really did. You see today was the day they closed the bridge on a very busy highway right near the road I live on. This means traffic has been diverted one of two ways, and one of those ways involves me and my road. It's not just my road, its home to many others as well. And none of us were looking forward to this day. We knew it was coming and bringing a temporary end to our quiet existence. If you have ever lived on a country road you will understand what I'm talking about. It is the road less traveled, the long way home, the back road. Most of the time the only cars you see are the ones belonging to people who live on this road or the mail truck, and all that peace was about to end.
Still I thought that maybe it would not be that bad. Even when the "Debbie Downers" (no offense to my Debbie's out there, and I know a few really sweet ones) told me how bad it was going to be I held on to the hope that most would take another route, the official detour route, and not my road. Those "Debbies" would ask, "What are you going to do? You know you won't be able to walk on our road anymore".
"I am STILL going to walk on MY road!" I would retort.
What?!?! How could they suggest that I would not walk on our road? I love walking on our road. I enjoy the sunshine, the smell of magnolia and honeysuckle, listening to the leaves rustling from an occasional breeze, a very occasional breeze I might add. Plus, I have to knock off this middle aged "middle" if you know what I mean.
As I entered the kitchen in the early hours of the morning, and gazed out my big front windows I was pleasantly surprised. The traffic did seem to be as bad as I had thought it would be. More cars and trucks than usual, but not so bad. So I put on my shoes, grabbed the leash and headed out for my walk with Dolly.
It is on my walks that I can clear my head, get some exercise and chat with God. I love our chats and I try to listen to Him. But I have enough trouble on my own listening to Him, and now as I got further into my walk, I have the sound of cars roaring past me making it even harder. That's when it kicked in, "the look". I couldn't help myself. I just kept scowling at every single passer by.
All this scowling was making my face hurt and obviously this walk wasn't lifting my spirits as it usually did. I asked God to please show me a lesson here. I know there are many. But honestly all I could think of was how selfish and inconsiderate these people are! They are speeding! They are loud! They are sinning! They are not welcome here! Woah! Wait a minute. Yes it was true they are speeding and speeding is a sin (Romans 13: 1-2), but this thought was hurling around in the heart and mind of someone who has committed so many sins. I think I have broken just about every one of the Ten Commandments (Matthew 15:18-19).
I started thinking about compassion, God's mercies (that I had just written about earlier) and what if He told me I was not welcome here. I knew I was not supposed to let bad seeds take root in my heart, yet seeds of resentment and anger were sprouting up everywhere! In that moment I thought, Quick! grab the Round Up! Spray it on thick! And that's when I began to smile and wave to each person that passed. I knew that even though I didn't feel like being friendly, I needed to do it anyway. There are many scriptures that talk about doing the right thing when you would rather not, like Matt.24:13. This isn't being fake, it's an action that can bring about a change in the heart. Plus, it's much easier to smile.
My smiling and waving turned in to laughing out loud. I was thinking about how I either made their day with a smile and wave or had them wondering all day if they knew me. Better yet, perhaps they would avoid my road next time because there is a crazy laughing lady that walks it.
So what is my lesson here? How does it relate to what I am going through? Well, first of all people have been speeding for a very long time! As I did a little studying, to write this blog post, I was surprised that there was a "furious driver" aka "speeder" referenced in the Bible! I don't remember reading this scripture and I found it so interesting! 2 Kings 9:20 Again the watchman reported, "He reached them, but he is not coming back. And the driving is like the driving Jehu the son of Nimshi, for he drives furiously."
This discovery led into a little more reading about Jehu and who he was. Jehu was used by God to clean up the mess that Ahab had made.God then chose Jehu to be the king of Israel.The Lord blessed Jehu for his obedience, and granted him a dynasty that would last to the fourth generation, but he was not without sin and that sin led to God pulling away His blessings because he willing chose to live in sin. (There is so much more to his story that I encourage you to read.)
Revelation number two? None of us are without sin but we don't have to live there. We can take actions, even when we don't want to, to bring about change in our hearts and allow God to do his work. This can require spraying some Round Up when bad seeds, like that of resentment and anger start to sprout.
Don't get me wrong, I'm still struggling. God is still working on me and reigning me in from my own demise. I know He has held my mouth shut over this situation a time or two and controlled my fingers at the keyboard. I am surrendering and trying not to scream so loud when He prunes me. Sometimes it takes time for the weeds to be pulled, and good seeds to take root. And I truly desire that only good seeds grow in my heart. I'll just have to let God and the Sheriff's Department deal with those speed demons so I can keep spraying Round Up.
In the meantime, I'm gonna keep walking and waving. So if you see me smiling and waving at you, I may or not be crazy. If you see me scowling, I either haven't had coffee yet or I am just having a momentary set back because your speeding struck a nerve. Don't worry, I asked for forgiveness and yes, I sprayed a little round up too.
Ally
Thanks to S. Michael Houdmann for this great article, Is Speeding a Sin? that helped me with the studying of God's Word you can read it here. I also enjoyed reading about Jehu from the Bible here.