Dear Friend and Sister in Christ:
This is an open letter to the one who wrote a word from the Lord and left it in my cup at the beach retreat. It has taken me quite some time to read this note again. The note said, Allyson- I heard the Lord say "all is on the line".
Since this is an open letter, let me explain for those that don't know. You see at the retreat everyone picks a mug and during the weekend everyone leaves notes in the mugs. Notes of encouragement, scriptures, revelations from God. The mug I chose said "Be Well" and seemed to fit at the time.
When I first read this note I had no idea what it meant and I had even less of an idea what to do with it. It actually sent my mind reeling. My first thoughts were, Am I going to die? What is on the line? This can not be a word for me! Is this the end? Is this a better get right with the Lord now type message? I had been in a state of mind that had become the enemy's playing field and boy was he having a field day once I read that note. But now, almost a year later, I have a different reaction to this note. I have more clarity.
That weekend had brought forth the first steps of healing. Healing I didn't even acknowledge that I needed. This encounter with the Holy Spirit had opened my eyes, given me my breath back and taken my barely beating heart of stone and turned it into flesh again. Then I got this note. And I took a step back. I wasn't sure what to do with it. In that moment I shoved the note back in my cup. I prayed Lord, please settle my heart, I have no idea what this means, all I see is doom. As I write this I now hear, "my sweet girl, I do not have doom for you, I have life abundant.
Over the next weeks and months I experienced things in such a different way. I could write a book of all the teachings, revelations, and discipline that the Lord blessed me with. All the seemingly little things began to stand out. And then there were the obvious things too, things you just can not make up. Things that can only be attributed to the Lord, Master Creator. I know now that I was beginning to learn to live in the spirit.
One day while talking to my friend Jana, she pointed out how intentional God is. After our conversation I continued to think on this statement. I knew the Lord is intentional, but I let that really sink in. I let it shift, over time, from my mind to my heart and into my spirit. All the events, encounters, teachings in scriptures, and moments in time coming together. Then a vision of a beautiful painting unfolding right in front of me, with each stroke of the brush as colors, bright and beautiful blended together, images began to appear. God is both subtle and obvious with His intentions and working out His will.
Months later I went to another retreat. In the midst of the Lord pruning me (painful I will admit) I was still so excited for more. So hungry for more. More of the Holy Spirit, more of the Word of God, more of the kingdom of heaven being poured out by precious women of God. Each one of them a gift. Each one of them so beautiful and unique. I was learning so much from them. This time was so precious to me. I was so happy to be there.
And then there they were, I noticed them on the first evening. Those mugs, well actually little cups this time. Sitting on a window sill, each one with a name on it. I remembered "the note". Ugh. I mentioned it to my friend Anna. I shared with her briefly how I had received a word that was unsettling, confusing to me, just down right scary. I asked, what do I even do with that. And she said, just bring it to the Lord. Ask Him what does this mean? Is this a word from you? Show me Lord. So I did just that.
It took some time to learn to listen to what the Holy Spirit had to say about this note. I am still learning, even now I think back and remember the whispers in the still small voice that circle back to this very note. "If you think you are dying, then why aren't you living that way" is one I pray I never forget. This one whisper from the Holy Spirit carried so much revelation. The obvious-cherish every moment, prioritize what really matters, spend time with loved ones, know your Savior's voice. But also, present your life a living sacrifice, die to self. Are you dying to self? To die is gain. Whoever loses their life will surely find it in Christ Jesus.
Those words were truth. "ALL" was on the line. "All" is on the line. When I first read the note all I could think about was SELF. I couldn't get beyond that. Every thought was how this supposed word from the Lord affected me. The truth is that it was not ALL about me and yet ALL about me at the same time. Yes, so much was on the line for me. My friendship with Jesus, my health, my life abundant. It was all on the line. Take it or leave it. But this truth also, and more importantly, reached past me. "ALL" was on the line. All of what I was pouring out to my family, my marriage, my business, my God. I was dried up, I was a desert. I was dying. But not to self as I should be. I was dying in the spirit.
In these last several months the Lord has breathed His new life into me. Awakened my Spirit. Called me to be His friend. I am learning to live in the Spirit, truly LIVE in the Spirit every day. It is a journey, a life, a process, eternal.
Recently I pulled out that mug and thought about getting rid of it. I stopped short and remembered the note and all that had transpired before and after it. Once again the truths of my Master's painting unfolded in front of me. Thank you sweet sister in Christ. Thank you for writing that note and putting it in my mug. It shook me! But that note was truth.
All is on the line and I am well.
Love,
Ally