I had been wandering around. The line in the hymn, Oh Come thou fount of Many Blessings, "bind my wandering heart to thee" comes to mind now and often as of late. How many times have I strayed, wandered?
In the present I am seeking. Praying Lord order my steps. Seeking but also shuffling around so to speak, maybe even sludging around. Yes, some days that is a better word. Sludging. Is that even a word? Some days are like slowly walking through the muck. Praying for clarity. Fearful of deception. If you are here, read this Trudging through the Mud and Muck of Life . I found it as I was writing this.
I have been intentionally asking the Lord to order my steps. Make straight my paths. Really asking the Lord, what shall we do each minute of the day.
Yesterday we cleaned together. We cleaned my office/craft room. As I cleaned I asked the Lord, when do we sew today? No answer, so I just kept cleaning. We didn't sew, like I wanted to. We just cleaned.
This morning I asked what do we do today? He said, today we sew. Huh? No Bible reading first thing? Okay. While getting coffee I glanced at my phone and a post was right there in bright colors. It was from of my upcycling/sewing pages that I follow. It said what small project can you make today for a win. Okay Lord, we sew. I picked a small project and made it. I listened to praise music while I did this. I was moved in my spirit. The Lord used the songs to speak into my heart. More healing took place. Light poured in. My small project was simple but beautiful.
I picked up another small project and kept sewing. Pleased with the previous one I thought I'd do one more. I sewed it up and as I was ironing it I realized I had sewn it all together wrong. I had to get the seam ripper and tear it apart so I could sew it back up the right way. I huffed. A little frustrated. I thought, everything was going so nicely Lord, why this? He said, this is what I had to do with you. Take you apart. So I could sew you back together.
Tears. Thankfulness. Repentance. Surrender.
I think the Lord is saving me from myself. My own deceptions. The enemy didn't have to work hard on me over the last years. I was doing much of the work on my own.
Psalm 119:133
Order my steps in thy word: and let not any iniquity have dominion over me.
I was asking the Lord to order my steps. Each step of the day. But why? I was missing the why. I was leaving out the other half of the verse. Let not any iniquity (sin) have dominion over me.
And Even More...
Psalm 37:23
"The steps of a good man are ordered by the Lord, and he delights in his way"
Yes! I want to be a delight to the Lord. To live a life pleasing to the Lord. Free from sin.
I think I had been asking for the Lord to order my steps so that I didn't mess things up while seeking His will for my life. BUT there is MORE. More to the scriptures. I was focused on the doing, more over doing it right and I wasn't reading the whole scripture. Don't miss the blessing for the doing.
Oh Lord, save me from my self. I lay down my idol of self. I surrender to your love and your perfect will.
Judson W. Van DeVenter